15 Life and Resilience Lessons From My First 15 Podcast Guests (Part 2;9-15)
Stories are powerful.
Stories are the most perennial, persuasive, and powerful form of communication. It is indescribable, the exact moment when audience ‘lock in’ to a story. You see it in their eyes, you feel it in their spirit. Science confirms this – our brain waves ‘sync up’ when we listen to a story: You are in sync with other listeners, and everyone is in sync with the storyteller.
I’ve been to over 50 schools and spoken to students of different ages and backgrounds. What fascinates me is this – regardless of differences, the time where they pay the most attention is 1) When I’m talking about failure, and 2) When I tell a story.
This was one of the reasons the podcast was born. We face a crisis in resilience. Students (and everyone really) personalize failure and it is painful to see. One way to help them? Stories.
I’ve been blessed to host 15 guests so far. Each story unique, and precious. To commemorate this, I’ve compiled a list of their backgrounds and the most striking lessons I’ve learnt from each one. Stories leave clues, and I hope this compilation gives you clues to build your own resilience 😊
I split the article into 2 parts, check out PART 1 HERE If you haven’t)
(Also, subscribe here to the podcast if you haven’t!)
9. Sim Kang Wei – Focus On What You Can Control & Give Yourself Permission to Rest
Kang Wei is a trained counsellor, trainer, speaker and passionate advocate for people with disabilities (PWDs). Kang Wei purpose and passion partially stems from his experiences living with a condition called cerebral palsy, where abnormal brain development can affect muscle growth or motor skills. In 2013, Kangwei was awarded the Stars of SHINE Youth Award, an award that highlights and profile youth role models as a source of encouragement and inspiration to other youths.
I learnt 2 main things from him: 1) Power of choice and 2) Being patient in the process.
Kang Wei faced constant bullying and teasing everyday. One day, he told himself
“Ok now I’ve faced with this reality, I cannot change who I am. It was very close to my O levels. I made it very simple for myself. I have 2 options: ‘Either I give up and surrender, and say that ok i’m not going to study, this is too hard for me to deal with. Or I can choose to take this on as a challenge. I cannot change my circumstances, but I can choose my response”
When I asked him about self-care advice, this was his reply:
“Give yourself permission to rest. To live through your challenges. Notice I said live through it, not overcome it. Overcoming has the connotation of immediacy, but sometimes the solutions take time to take shape, it takes times to formulate. It’s about embracing the process, and appreciating ourselves for doing our best”
Wow. When he shared that, it spoke to me directly. With my Type A personality, I feel need to overcome and thrive every single day. And that pressure to perform sometimes gets to me. Demanding excellence is good, but not to the point where it has adverse consequence on your mental and emotional state.
So, exercise the power of choice, and have patience (and pat yourself on the back) when you’re going through a tough time.
10. Jonathan Kuek – The importance of connectedness and hope.
Jonathan Kuek is a mental health researcher, passionate advocate and volunteer leader. He is pursuing a Doctorate in Philosophy, where his research involves exploring and understanding recovery from mental health conditions in an Asian Context
Naturally, I asked Jon: “What factors aid recovery from a mental health condition in our context?”
He shared: “It seems that connectedness plays a huge role, especially in Asian societies. We want the people around us to understand and be involved. That’s why I advocate for a person-oriented recovery, where we listen to their needs and not just prescribing. It’s probably more important than seeking professional help. That’s not to say that you don’t seek it, but in an Asian culture, people also want others around them to be involved in it.
So the optimum synergy for recovery is the balance between mental health professionals, various careteams, and social connectedness of the individual.
It’s also about helping them to find hope. So hope is a relatively new construct that is starting to come up and people are starting to talk about it a bit more, being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When you’re able to give that to them, it does help in the recovery process.”
Jonathans’ words REALLY spoke to me. These two factors were major major points in my journey of recovery.
It applies not just to more severe mental health conditions but any challenging period in life. Everyone could benefit from a community that cares and provides you that hope to carry on. Even if it’s a glimmer, it makes the difference between light and darkness.
11. Dr Chee Soon Juan – Courage is not the absence of fear, but acting in spite of it.
Many know Dr Chee as an established politician with a strong presence, but fewer know who he is as a father, a friend and a person. We discuss Dr Chee’s upbringing, struggles and family, before discussing themes of resilience, mental health and youth.
I am politically neutral. I don’t necessarily believe in all of Dr Chee’s ideals, but I must confess I am viscerally attracted to his tenacity and resilience. Some of his speeches have brought me to tears, and given me courage to pursue my dreams. So it was a heartwarming moment for me to converse with him not as a politician, but as a human. He was very kind to me. It was my most memorable episode.
It’s impossible to capture the essence of his words through writing, so I’ll just leave this snippet here. I asked him 10 questions on his reflections and secrets to resilience. The authority and presence in his answers speaks for itself.
Some quotes by Dr Chee that struck me most:
“Never leave a gap in communication with your kids. By that I don’t mean nagging, I mean let them know, that no matter how high they jump, mama and papa will be there to catch them if they fall.”
“If you must, sit down, rest for a while, but at some point you got to get up again. You don’t do it because you’re not feeling tired and you’re not feeling fearful anymore. You do it despite feeling tired, despite feeling fearful. And that is courage, not the absence of fear, but acting in spite of it. Even if you’re crying inside, you’re cracking inside, get up.
“Adversity is like fire. They are good servants but terrible terrible masters. Make sure you never let it get the better of you”.
Regardless of political beliefs, anyone can learn from Dr Chee’s resilience, compassion, and how he raised his family. I hope my (and the younger) generation grow up and discuss our future with empathy, even if we don't fully agree on everything. That's the way we must move forward!
12. Dylan Lim – To get motivation, shift your focus and meaning
Dylan Lim is a graduate from Nanyang Business School (2020), where he specialized in banking and finance and graduated with 1st class honours. He choose to pursue his passion in teaching, and is now a full time tutor with a dream to set up a centre called Paradigm, where students shift their paradigms, that education is not just a chase for grades, but a holistic exploration and development of one’s strengths, passions and dreams.
We discussed students concerns. You might not be a student anymore, but the lesson is still relevant. In coaching students to find motivation, Dylan spends time shifting what students associate with studies/education. Students struggle because studying to them is associated to boredom and torture. Instead, he helps them to see beyond, how studying can lead them to their passions and building character. He also gets them to ruminate on 3 fundamental questions:
What are you interested in?
What are you curious about?
What problems do you want to solve?
These questions lead students to see beyond their grades, and start to think about purpose. They are driven by something beyond the immediate.
To build our resilience, it helps to take a long-term viewpoint, and link “boring” tasks to your end in mind.
13. Jerry Oliveiro – The value of mindfulness and meditation
Jeremy Oliveiro (Jerry) was deeply affected when a youth under his care decided to take their own life. It drives him to speak up the topic of suicide and prevention, as taboo as it may be. He has diverse experiences and expertise across different vocations, as an educator, psychologist, counsellor and youth-worker. He has a masters in counselling and is currently working as a psychology lecturer in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. He is also a Director (Membership and Strategic Engagements) with SG Psych Stuff, and an international member of the American Psychological Association (APA)
When we discuss building resilience, I was pleasantly surprised that he brought up the value of mindfulness and meditation.
Mindfulness refers to a state of being intensely aware of the what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment. Meditation is a practice that can aid mindfulness, There are other mindfulness exercises like body scanning, yoga, etc.
He shares research that shows that psychological resilience is more pronounced in mindful people. Why? Because it allows you to deexcite the nervous system, bring you to a calmer state and deal with negative emotions better. This allows you to reduce the tendency of overlooking novel ways of adapting or responding.
I really liked the last point. A major ingredient of resilience is learning to respond and not react to stressors. Here’s a table of the difference. (BMW, CCC stands for Blaming, Moaning, Whining & Criticizing, Condemning and Complaining)
Too often we get into a ‘charged’ state, and cannot respond or think critically about our next option. Hence, mindfulness and meditation are excellent ways to train our ability to respond. I’ve started to practice it recently and it really helps deal with anxiety and train our presence.
Definitely try out meditation or other mindful practices!
Links to full podcast: Youtube/Spotify
14. U.K Shyam – The Bigger the Dream, the finer the details. Also, BOTH the environment and human will matter.
U.K Shyam is the current national 100m record holder at 10.37s, a record which stands since 2001. What’s more striking is the circumstances under which he did it. Having come from a single-parent family, he faced insecurity and lowered self-worth. He discovered his talent and found solace in track and field, which ironically also become his source of heartaches. Lacking funds and dealing with systemic challenges, he came to a point where he was ‘running on empty’, as his book title suggests. This led him to leave the sport, only to have circumstance change its mind briefly, in the form of swim legend Ang Peng Siong. His support, financially and emotionally, helped Shyam to rejoin the sport and break the record.
Links to full podcast: Youtube/Spotify
Shyam’s story exemplifies the battle between the environment and the will. Which is stronger? I personally think you can’t pick one over the other; they are interdependent, and both matter. It helps instead to focus on how to strengthen both. This rings true in Shyam’s case.
Coming from an underprivileged background, he had to work and train at the same time, while fighting for time off from National Service. He had to balance his responsibility to provide for his family with his sporting dream. As strong as his will is, the clutch of circumstance was significant .
In the end, it was favourable circumstance (Ang Peng Siong’s help) that led him to rejoin the sport. Without the intervention, in his words: “I would would have left the sport”
Of course, take absolutely nothing away from Shyam’s will. Even with the help, breaking the record was a mammoth task. He is a fighter, and part of the equation in the achievement.
“When a broke the record, it represented my whole life. Amidst the turmoil and mess of my life, suddenly there was a moment of clarity” - U.K Shyam.
This leads to an applicable point for all of us, shared through Shyam’s words: “The bigger the dream, the finer the details need to be”. In sport, becoming world class requires a very specific plan: funding, training regimes, diet, competitions, etc. It is the same for any dream we are chasing.
In the process of planning, focus on 2 key factors – the environment and your will. How can you strengthen both? Can you seek like minded people? Can you look for funding? Can you boost your productivity by altering your environment? At the same time, focus on strengthening your will. Pray, meditate, stay committed. Whatever works to build your faith and self-belief, do it.
“Dream in grand, but plan in minute. ”
15. Vanessa Ho – The value of saying ‘Why Not?’ and a Slash (/) career
Vanessa Ho is a business student/entrepreneur/host/actor/DJ/writer/media influencer. She is an exemplar of someone pursuing a slash (/) career, in which a person makes multiple income streams simultaneously from different passions or forms of work. Despite her success at a young age, she is incredibly humble and constantly works to improve and give back.
Wow it was inspiring to host Vanessa, especially for a youth like me. Before she turned 21, she already accomplished so much. It’s tempting to attribute it to talent alone, yet if you take time to understand her story, you realise that her thought process and work ethic played an equal or arguably greater role.
At 15, she saw an ad for the ‘New Paper New Face’ competition. She said ‘Why not?’ and joined it with no prior experience. That led her to build her confidence and open doors to other opportunities, in media and commercials, and eventually entering Star Search and winning the best newcomer award.
Links to full podcast: Youtube/Spotify
“I guess I was never comfortable with just one thing. I was never comfortable with just modelling. I was always thinking, what can I try next. I wanted a steep learning curve before 21, to meet and learn from as many people as possible. When opportunities present itself, I’d always ask ‘Why Not’?, but also with the mentality that there is no fear of failure. I’m ok if I never become a top model, but that experience gives me so many transferable skills and open doors to so many other opportunities”
Of course, a slash career is not for everyone, but if you see value in it, go for it! Another person that comes to my mind is Ali Abdaal, a doctor in UK who earns thrice as much from his Youtube channel and courses. Check him out here, I LOVE his content.
Check out this snippet from a fun and educational Q & A with Vanessa!
We’ve come to the end of our 15 lessons from 15 guests! Writing this was magical. It brought back memories, reinforced the key lessons, and strengthened my gratitude and drive. I hope reading it has done the same for you. Looking forward to more episodes in future.
Stay Loving and Stay Resilient!
15 Life and Resilience Lessons From My First 15 Podcast Guests (Part 1;1-8)
Stories are powerful.
Stories are the most perennial, persuasive, and powerful form of communication. It is indescribable, the exact moment when audience ‘lock in’ to a story. You see it in their eyes, you feel it in their spirit. Science confirms this – our brain waves ‘sync up’ when we listen to a story: You are in sync with other listeners, and everyone is in sync with the storyteller.
I’ve been to over 50 schools and spoken to students of different ages and backgrounds. What fascinates me is this – regardless of differences, the time where they pay the most attention is 1) When I’m talking about failure, and 2) When I tell a story.
This was one of the reasons the podcast was born. We face a crisis in resilience. Students (and everyone really) personalize failure and it is painful to see. One way to help them? Stories.
I’ve been blessed to host 15 guests so far. Each story unique, and precious. To commemorate this, I’ve compiled a list of their backgrounds and the most striking lessons I’ve learnt from each one. Stories leave clues, and I hope this compilation gives you clues to build your own resilience 😊
(Subscribe here to the podcast if you haven’t!)
1. Rae Fung - Overcome Insecurity By Finding Your identity and Owning Your Voice.
Rae is a fresh graduate, a freelance emcee of 7 years, and a communications coach. She shares her insecurity in her looks and body, and how that affected her resilience: “Insecurity is allowing what others think of you to affect how you think of yourself”. Drawing reference to the past where she sought solace in nightlife and casual dates, she shares
“The root cause is that I didn’t know who Rae was, I wasn’t clear of my identity. That’s why I tried to seek it in all those things.”
She goes on to share what helped her: “Once I got clear of what I stood for, my identity, then then insecurity went away and I was able to own my voice. Owning your voice means to understand your inner voice - what you stand for and your message, and then using your physical voice to express that”.
I absolutely love the last line.
The most persuasive communicators don’t just know how to pitch, pace and pause, they know what ignites their pulse.
2. Steve Tee - What are you hungry for?
Steve Tee is a speaker and Team Singapore athlete. He has won a bronze medal for the ASEAN Paragames, and will be competing in the 2021 Paralympic Games in Tandem Cycling. Due to an eye condition, he lost his sight in his early 20s. Yet, he refused to let his disability limit his abilities.
He tells a striking story: “I isolated myself. I was tired of the abuse and frustration. One day, I was awakened by the sound of thunder. It was raining heavily. I was hungry, but there was no food at home. I took an umbrella and went out. On my way to get my food, I tripped and fell onto the hard concrete ground. Blood was flowing down my shin, but I endured the pain.
I successfully bought my food walked back home. It was then I realised something:
If you are hungry, you will find a way to get your food.
If you are hungry, you will find a way to prevent yourself from getting wet by the rain.
If you are hungry enough, you will find a way to overcome your pain and adversities.
It was then when I realised that I lost my hunger for my life, being isolated and stuck at home. It was at that moment I decided to be hungry again.”
Steve went on to complete his degree, work in a call center (where he got promoted to team leader), become a public speaker, and now a Team Singapore athlete competing in the 2021 Paralympic Games .
When the chips are down, ask yourself: ‘What are you hungry for?’
Links to full podcast: Youtube/Spotify
Steve and me speaking at a school assembly talk
3. Jeven Lim– Hunger is good, but let’s not play the Hunger Games.
Jeven is a secondary 4 student and also the captain of his school’s floorball team. He recounts a time in primary 5 where he was verbally and cyberbullied almost everyday. Why? Because he placed last in grades in a competitive class. He states:
“It was like the hunger games. People started calling me names, giving me labels. They would sometimes leave comments in my FB inbox, telling me that I wont make it, and not to try at all. I tried to ignore it, but it felt like 39 against 1.”
As we heard from Steve, hunger is good, but only when married with good intentions. In our emphasis on economic and technical progress, we must not forget progressing our hearts.
Also, we must move students from scarcity to abundance. When we pit them against each other, it’s not a surprise that they subconsciously believe that the only way for them to win is for their classmate to lose. (Or to borrow Jeven’s reference – to shoot an arrow straight through the chest of your competitor). We need to think win-win, not win-lose. Collective resilience can be achieved no other way.
Links to Full Podcast: Youtube/Spotify
4. Tiara Yap – How to Follow Your Heart? Flip a coin.
Tiara Yap is a familiar face and content strategist at SGAG, one of Singapore’s best known content marketing agencies. She directs, writes and acts in many videos, which bring hearty laughs and lift spirits of many Singaporeans. She loves her work, but she would have never found it if she didn’t follow her heart. We hear this cliché so often, but Tiara shares a story of her audition in JC where she first truly understood what it meant:
“It was for a play. I couldn’t decide whether to audition or not. So I flipped a coin, and it landed on tails. The moment it landed, my heart sank. At the moment, I was like ‘Oh, I knew what I had to do’. Looking back, all along I had a passion for performing, but I rationalized it away. You know you have this cliché battle between the head and heart. The whole time is was just head head head…like ‘your performing will not get your anywhere, focus on your studies, etc’
She did follow her heart, and it led her to an amazing company and love and gratitude for her work. Catch her in SGAGS’ videos!
5. Brian Poh – Stress is necessary to build resilience, but ensure it’s eustress (good stress)
Brian Poh is a senior psychologist at a hospital. He mainly counsels adolescents between 13-18 to help them overcome mental health challenges and cope with stress more effectively. We discuss raising resilient kids and stress management.
Brian shares about the nature of resilience - it is the ability to adapt to stressors. Hence, without stress, it is impossible to develop resilience. When parents shelter or protect their kids too much (helicopter parenting), they unknowingly reduce their resilience.
Yes, some stress is good. He states “With some stress, you force yourself to do something about it. It will lead to an increase in performance. We call this eustress”. However, we must be careful. He gives me a challenge, to take a rubber band and stretch it to the maximum before breaking. What would you do? My answer: “I will stretch till I feel the maximum tension, take the risk”. To which he replied: “but you won’t know where is the breaking point”
The breaking point is bad stress, distress, or a mental breakdown. His point is we need to respect stress, and manage it carefully.
Links to full podcast: Youtube/Spotify
6. Melodee Tan – Finding Drive From Discrimination and Despair
Melodee Tan is an entrepreneur with infectious enthusiasm and undying passion for animals and raising awareness of pet responsibility. She runs a non-profit community (Hope for Animals) and Singapore's first pet related social enterprise (Bark A Tree) that helps pet shelters raise funds and visibility through creative events in the community.
Part of a drive came from being discriminated. She did well in ITE, with a GPA that entitled her to enter a poly. She shared a shocking recount: “During the open house, I spoke to the head of design school for a specific poly. I asked her about the aggregate score to get in. I remember her very clearly looking at me, scanning my ITE uniform, and saying “sorry, we don’t really take ITE students”.
I was really astounded. I was like ‘wow, this is coming from a head lecturer. I felt embarrassed and vulnerable, like I was stripped off everything. It really broke me down because that was the first school I wanted to go to”
You’re likely equally shocked reading this as I was I hearing it. Thankfully, Melodee used the pain to drive her. I quote her: “I told myself as I grow older and accumulate enough experiences, my end goal is to become a lecturer or teacher. I’m going to make sure no one else felt the way I felt. No student should be ever in the position that I was.” Well, Melodee is well on her way. Having also lost her dogs to disease, she harnessed her pain and tuned it into a cause. Her company is the first of its kind, raising thousands of dollars for pet shelters, and leading to many adoptions. She even goes to schools and organizations to give awareness talks.
Unfortunately, discrimination exists, not just in education but in life as well. Let’s do our best to stand up against it, and if we’ve ever on the receiving end, use it to the drive you forward.
7. Gerrard Lin (‘Ah Siao’ the Ultramarathon Runner)
Gerrard Lin, a.k.a 'Ah Siao' is an ultramarathon runner, avid fundraiser and entrepreneur. His "crazy" stunts and capacity to transcend pain and stretch his limits is quite incredible. His persona 'Ah Siao' (a goodhearted ex-hooligan raising money for charity) first gained traction in the 2012 Stan Chart marathon, where he dragged a 14kg tire throughout the race, raising close to $100,000 for the bone marrow doner programme. 'Ah Siao' has since gone on to accomplish feats like running 50km a day for 50 days, completing 10km dragging a tire on clutches, and most recently, birthing the idea for 'Relay Majulah', a relay with 200 runners to celebrate Singapore's bicentennial, in which more than a $1 mill was raised for the President's Star Charity. Links to full podcast here: Youtube/Spotfy
The most impactful lesson I learnt from him comes from a reply to my question: “HOW do you do all those insane stunts and deal with the pain?”. I tried to summarize it, but I couldn’t, it’s better to watch his response here:
Here are some of his other quotable quotes on resilience. I hope it inspires the ‘Ah Siao’ in you to transcend your circumstances too.
“The thousand km journeys, not giving up, that isn’t done during the race itself. That is done from little steps, practices that you take every day on the track”
“Resilience is a state of mind. It knowing that if you’ve a problem, there’s nothing to fear. It’s not just in the big stories. Everyone likes those stories, but resilience is a daily habit. When you’re met with a stimulus, how do you deal with it? Do you exhibit emotions that will inhibit or enable you to solve the problem? Everyday is a day to practice resilience”
Dragging a 14KG tire on clutches for 10km
“Why did I complete the race on clutches? First, because I made a promise to my sponsors. Second, the people at the finish line will forever remember this moment. It will inspire them to believe in their own resiliency. The greatest real estate you can own is in the corner of someone’s mind.”
8. Alvin Yong – Live by Design, and not by Default
Alvin Yong is a modern day Renaissance man (a person of vast skills and knowledge). At a young age, he lost his Mum to cancer, which led him to understand the fragility of life and the need treasure every moment. Citing Leonardo Da Vinci as a major influence, he is a firm believer in designing your life, having unquenchable curiosity, and living life to its full expression. He runs businesses in multiple countries, including social entrepreneurship projects in developing nations like Thailand, India and Kenya, where he works with the locals to co-create solutions and initiatives to better the lives of communities
Alvin and his daughter with children in Kenya
In response to my question “What does it mean to design your life?”, he replies:
“It’s a fundamental question we need to ask ourselves. In the animal kingdom, we are the only animal capable of making conscious choices. That’s a divine gift.
We are not ants. Its either you’re born as a Queen or a worker ant. They’re defined by a role. They live by instinct, by default.
So the key question to ask ourselves is ‘Are we living consciously? Are we designing our life? Or are we handing over that design to someone else?”
His words really struck me. So often we get caught in unconscious unhelpful routines and ruminations, or become defined by a specific role or societal measures of worth. It helps to remember that our worth is for us to define, and our lives are for us to create.
So live by DESIGN, and not by default!
Links to full podcast: Yotube / Spotify
THATS THE END OF PART 1 ! I decided to split this article into two parts as it’s really long haha. Check part 2 out HERE
5 Unexpected Benefits & Insights From Decluttering
(For Gen Zs who ask, this is Tetris)
Why I decluttered & Why you should consider it too
Life is a game of tetris. We are thrown multiple blocks and forced to fit them nicely together. Sometimes, blocks overwhelm us and we get stuck.
What can we do? We either 1) stay calm and present, and work to recover and still win the game OR 2) PANICCCC! Mess up more, and lose the game.
Sadly, number 2 happens more often than it should. To become better at Tetris (and life), we need to 1) reduce the number of blocks, and 2) increase our presence of mind to play the game.
This leads to the value of DECLUTTERING.
Have you ever got so much on your mind that you find it hard staying present? THEM BLOCKS ARE THE PROBLEM. They represent your challenges, baggage, tasks, distractions, anything that BLOCKS you from being productive in the present.
That’s me recently, especially as workload and expectations and fears piled up. Further, I’ve always been weak at organization (my Mum is nodding her head).
So I figured if I want to take my business and life to the next level, I gotta start getting present and organized. This is why I took the weekend off to do a complete decluttering + organization of my room and workspace.
It was truly amazing. Of course, its no panacea, it takes constant work. But it’s a start. I feel lighter and my mind clearer. Not just that, I discovered other benefits and hidden insights. So much so that I decided I must put it into an article. ENJOY!
1. Your room is your mind. It functions (and smells) better when it’s clean and clear of clutter.
My Desk! (It helps to keep it neat and add a ‘dream board’! On the left, I put principles I live by. In the middle, I put my visons and goals. And on the right, my favourite poems. Design one yourself:)
Your outward expression of your life is an inward reflection of your thoughts. Your physical space could represent (and reinforce) your state of mind.
For community work, I’ve visited some single room flats before. Growing up in relative privilege, it was eye opening for me. Some flats were full of clutter. Beyond that, it was unhealthy. Roaches would scurry occasionally and paint was peeling off the walls. It’s hard for most to imagine living there, but for the occupants, you could sadly argue that they have accepted their plight - it reflected their state of mind.
This leads to clear benefit of decluttering - your environment impacts your mind and performance. At a recent workshop I did on holistic resilience, I engaged participants in a fascinating discussion: Is your environment stronger than your will? Answers were split, but we all agreed that it’s useful to realise that both matter. The human will is incredibly powerful, yet our environment does matter….simply because our emotions, thoughts and beliefs are formed from information taken in from your 5 senses through the environment.
One overlooked aspect of the environment is our physical space. Good news is, we have control over how we optimize it. So let’s exercise that control.
2. I’m addicted to shades of blue more than I realize.
I started the declutter with my wardrobe. Apart from realizing I wear less than 5% of my clothes (which is not surprising), I was more surprised to realize that ~ 80% of my shirts are different shades of blue. MAMMA MIA! WOW! Ok it’s not that earth shattering, but it was an ‘aha moment’ for me. I stare at my cupboard everyday but never noticed.
It made me remember that much of our thoughts, attitudes and behaviours are on autopilot. If we don’t pause, take a bird’s eye view and consciously observe or reflect, we may never live life consciously. This stifles our progress and adaptiveness and at worst, we get trapped in unfavourable, or even toxic routines, relationships and ruminations.
(Dr Joe Dispenza, a renowned speaker and consultant, explains it better here, check the podcast out!)
Learn to live consciously. It’s useful to take a step back and observe your wardrobe of life once in a while, or even daily for that matter.
Learn to live effectively. It’s useful to pause and respond, instead of reacting. (I explain the difference in depth here!)
Learn to slow down to speed up. Is your ladder leaning up the right wall?
My Wardrobe
3. You revisit, challenge and clarify your identity.
This point is major. I think we don’t realize how much our items says about our identity. Identity is a complex notion, but it can simplified to the acronym BRAVE (Beliefs, Rituals, Allegiances, Values and Emotional experiences). Each of these aspects are major contributors to who you are, what you stand for and how you want to live.
Every item we own reflects a piece of our identity. It reflects our past and present choices, and locks in emotions and memories. Some stronger than others.
As such, going through all my items was odd, nostalgic and sometimes shocking. A plethora of emotions hard to describe. I was forced to face myself -to revisit, challenge and clarify my identity.
I smiled on occasion, when I saw a pink Princess Disney ruler I used back in JC (I used it with a pink pencil case), or a birthday note written to me by a friend describing my spontaneity. I no longer wear or use pink, but it represented a desire to entertain and be different, to express disregard for convention, aspects of my identity I still hold.
Then there are items you find it hard to discard. (mainly stuff from past relationships haha). They are bittersweet. Memories you treasure, a trace of gratitude, but perphaps an equal amount of regret. What do you do with them? I don’t have an answer haha..(you can google this, and seek your own perspectives).
What I do know however, is that decluttering forces you to face yourself.
4. We have hidden treasure. Discover it and spark joy.
I made $700 from 2 items. WOW! What is it you may ask? My kidneys? A valuable watch? Nope, just 2 Pokemon Cards I kept for 15 years. They were worth about $350 each… oh my, it sure did spark joy when I discovered their worth. I’m sure it did for the buyer too (although he did say that might change if his GF found out).
Apart from my cards, I discovered things like past notes and watch straps which I gave away. The receivers were appreciative. I felt good, knowing that an item that would otherwise be collecting dust can be of good use to someone. It reminded me of the joy of giving too (and receiving too, can’t deny that $700)
It’s the same for life too. All of us have value. All of us. It’s just unfortunate that we bury them under layers of clutter – clutter of insecurity, doubt, baggage and blocks that prevent you from accessing it. I see this in students all the time, when they personalize failure and let it blind them to their value.
Give it a shot. Try finding hidden value in your home. Maybe the act of doing so will spur you to find hidden value in the home of your soul too.
Volunteering? A side hustle? Mending a relationship? There is so much more value we can give and receive. Don’t let clutter deny you that birthright and privilege.
5a: Notion is amazing.
Saved the best point for last. To trump the pokemon cards, it must really be good. I discovered a NOTION. Notion is an all in one online workspace and organizer. I was using Evernote previously, but decided to try Notion after watching the video below. It was by a British Youtuber named Ali Abdaal, who’s also a junior doctor at Cambridge, and also runs courses and other businesses. How he manages his time is beyond me, but he does mention Notion as one of his secrets. Definitely check his channel out if you’re into productivity and self-development.
Coming back to my point, I have a weakness in organization, and it’s holding me and my business back. As workload piles, so too does clutter in my mind. It helps to get things out on paper, and have a system to follow. I was BLOWN AWAY, yes maybe I’m late to the party, but for those who don’t know what Notion is, here’s how it’s helped me:
First up, databases! Evernote serves as a giant database too, but it’s not nearly as neat. As you can see in the picture below, I can organize all my books, articles and research into databases and add tags to search information easily. This is so valuable to me as a speaker, content & programme creator. Previously my info was all over the place.
An example of a Notion Database presented in table form
Second, scheduling. I do this on Evernote too, but Notion provides a much better view and versatility in organizing my monthly, weekly and daily tasks. I really love how you can embed pages infinitely and design your own space easily. It gives a very clean and organized look.
Here are some pictures below and my template link here to test it out!
I’m barely skimming the surface of Notion’s capability…but you should definitely try it out, especially if you’re a student, teacher or even a working adult looking to get more organized and productive.
5b. But it comes with a downside. Focus on the essential.
There are disadvantages in advantages. With the sheer versatility Notion has, I got caught up in the non-essential - figuring out how to do progress bars with codes, creating templates and making designs “perfect”. I must admit I got anxious, and very frustrated. Finally I paused, took a step back, and chanted to myself, ‘Focus on the essential Kevin’. Are you striving to be an artist? Or trying to get more organized?
With that break in my obsessive routine, I was clearer headed enough to ask a friend for help instead (duh), and eventually settled with simpler designs that served its purpose. It felt good.
It was a good reminder though. My obsessive, type A personality trait once contributed to a bout of depression. I have to learn to let go at times, and/or outsource things when necessary. If you’re like me and have an obsessive need for perfection…
Learn to let go.
Focus on the essential.
And that is essentially what decluttering is about.
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(I hope you enjoyed this article :) Stay Healthy and Resilient! Feel free to connect with me or subscribe to our channels through links here: Instagram, Podcast, Youtube, Telegram)
3 Lessons about Resilience We Can Learn From The Covid-19 Crisis
We are facing a crisis
To say this has been a CRAZY few months would be an understatement. The extend of craziness differs for everyone, but it’s the first time since the world war that countries, businesses and people have all been affected by a common agent.
We are facing a crisis, defined as a time of intense danger or difficulty. Yet, the Chinese word for crisis is “危机”, which translates back to ‘Danger’ + ‘Opportunity’.
In crisis there is opportunity- opportunity to learn powerful lessons we can adopt and also teach our youth. Here are 3 major lessons we can learn.
1. Resilience (or the lack of it) is a direct result of taking (or ignoring) feedback
Feedback refers to occurrences that reveals a fact, and points you to change. Feedback is precious, it can literally save our lives. For example, our body is a powerful feedback mechanism. When we are sick (fever, cough, pain), our body is giving us feedback - It’s saying ‘hey you need to do something, change something’. If we ignore the feedback, the body gives us bigger feedback (more pain, higher fever) UNTIL we take corrective action.
In the same way, failure and especially this Covid-19 crisis are powerful feedback mechanisms. It reveals a lot about how to develop resilience. Let’s look at some examples:
First, the Covid-19 virus is a result of feedback ignored from the SARS outbreak. The SARS virus originated from people consuming ‘exotic’ animals, sold in wet markets in China with deplorable hygiene standards. This serves as a breeding ground for viruses to be ‘transferred’ to humans. (Click here if you’re keen in bio and want the detailed explanation). What is the feedback? Leave exotic wildlife alone! Yet, after the SARS died down, feedback was ignored which resulted in SAME problem – another virus outbreak of a similar nature-the Covid-19 virus.
Another great example of feedback is our nation’s resilience to the virus. Our response to the virus was praised by World Health Organization and many international outlets. But HOW did we develop that resilience? The answer: the government took feedback from the SARS outbreak in 2003. We focused on what worked then, and made changes to avoid the mistakes we made in the past. This resulted in a prepared, robust system to contain the spread of the virus.
To take it a step further, Dr Vivian Balakrishnan said in an interview with CNBC that the virus is a test of everyone countries’ 1) Governance 2) Quality of Healthcare and 3) Social Capital (relationships of people in a society). In other words, the crisis reveals feedback on the a country’s resilience in these 3 areas.
Yet, Singapore is not perfect and it is not immune to negative feedback. As we know, the recent explosion of cases among our migrant workers is horrible to witness. This is strong, clear feedback that their living conditions and their welfare needs to be better taken care of, not just in this crisis, but beyond that as well.
From these examples, we can learn our first major lesson: that resilience is a constant process of taking feedback, making corrections and improving to solve problems. The extent to which we do (or don’t), is the progress of our resilience (or the regression of it).
2. Crisis catalyzes (speeds up) resilience, ONLY if you embrace it
Resilience is adaption. Resilience is the ability to change. This means that resilience can ONLY be developed in times of stress or challenge. Because it puts you in a position of discomfort, where you must adapt.
This is the reason why crisis are a catalyst for resilience. A catalyst is an agent that results in significant change or action.
A great example comes from J.K Rowling, the author of Harry Potter and first billionaire author. In a speech, she reflected on the benefit of her crisis (being sacked from her job and being a single Mum), and how it led her to remember what she was passionate about, develop the internal strength, and eventually write Harry Potter. Watch the video below !
“I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” - J.K. Rowling
To apply this to your current context, whether you’re working or studying now, massive change is occurring and its an opportunity for resilience. A common theme is how we are all learning how to use digital platforms to communicate, learn and do business. This has led to innovation and new skills being picked up, that would not have happened if the crisis did not occur.
Personally, I’ve realized that when we’re forced into a position to adapt and change, we are surprised at how capable and resilient we really can be, if ONLY we embrace it, maintain the right attitude and never quit.
3. Crisis reveals what we are made of.
“Circumstances don’t make a man, it reveals himself to him” - Epictetus, Greek philosopher
Crisis is a mirror. A crystal clear mirror. It breaks you open and reveals yourself to you -what do you stand for, and what you are made of.
Will you freeze, back down and surrender? Or dig deep, press forward and emerge victorious?
If you find yourself surrendering often, don’t beat yourself up. I’m here to encourage you. The good news is that we can always change.
The good news is this: as humans, we have the capacity for tremendous power and resilience. This is a fact that has fascinated me and given me strength in my darkest times.
In a landmark book entitled ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, a psychiatrist (Victor Frankl) documents the emotions and state of prisoners during the Holocaust. These prisoners were made to suffer. They slept in their own fecal matter, cramped like sardines, beaten up, malnourished, and made to work as slaves. Those who could no longer work would be burnt alive.
In such extreme conditions, in such severe crisis, Frankl observed one fact that gave me goosebumps when I read it: that you could take away everything from a person, and break them down, but one thing you couldn’t take away was – choice. The power and spiritual freedom to choose your response. He shared that the prisoners who choose to clung on to hope, who had something to live for, who found purpose and meaning in their suffering, were the ones with the higher chance of survival.
(I would HIGHLY recommend you read the book. It can found on Book Depository or borrow it free from our national library using the app: Overdrive)
In sharing this, I hope it has given you some inspiration to tackle this crisis or any challenge you’re going through.
Failure and crisis reveals and shapes our character more than success ever will.
So dig deep, reflect, find that drive and purpose to press on, and ask yourself: What am I made of?
Say Kiat
My Math wasn't great in primary school and there was once when I barely passed. I also had little friends and was often doing things aimlessly. But the game changer came in Sec 1, when I started to get taught by a lovely couple, Kelvin and Anne. They run a tuition center called The Epic Mind Learning Loft. The way they taught me was so inspiring and liberating; it was always about my process of growth, not just the outcome alone. Their focus was on me as a person, and not just whether I got the question right. And because of that, I felt relaxed and able to learn, they gave me the space to fail and explore.
And most of all, they helped me see that Math isn’t just about X and Y, it trains my analytical skills, critical thinking, and most crucially the resilience to solve problems.
Beyond Math, Kelvin is big on personal development. He talks to us, jokes with us, spams us with books, videos and all kinds of learning material, outside our schoolwork. He made me realise the true essence of education - to develop a love for learning and growth.
Personally, I’ve started to pick up an interest in investing and financial literacy. Unfortunately, even though money management is such an important topic, it’s not taught in schools. Learning how to grow, save and invest your money teaches you many other lessons – like discipline and emotional control. Why learn about money and investing? Personally, money has been a rather controversial issue in my family, and I hope to ensure that that never happens again.
My generation is growing up in a very volatile world, as you can see from the recent virus. We need to develop skills outside of formal education. My dream is to grow up to be a person like Kelvin, who cares for and loves the people around them, and equips them to succeed in life.
How To Maximise Your Home-Based Learning / Work
Home based learning has BEGUN! If you’re a student, you’re either “OMG NO SCHOOL FOR 1 MONTH! Time to do more tik toks at home!” OR “Wa, I’m a bit nervous leh, not sure if there I can be cope, especially since major exams are this year”
Either way, you gonna need some help. Personally, I have been working from home for more than a year. It’s been tough to stay focused at times, but I’ve complied 3 Main Points and practical tips that has helped me, which I believe it’ll also help your through this 1 month and beyond!
1. Be SERIOUS!
Most of you are OVERJOYED that school is “out” for 1 month. Yet, behind this decision, there are very serious reasons. On a personal level, it’s not a time to slack completely and ignore your work. This could lead to more stress later in the year.
Instead, be CONSISTENT with your work. If you want to build muscle, which is more effective? Going to the gym 7 hours in 1 day OR 1 hour over 7 Days. The second one of course! Your brain and memory works like a muscle too. It remembers and learns better when you space out your revision.
For those of you that are nervous, I do understand that sudden changes may cause stress and anxiety, especially if you’re taking major exams this year, and are not used to studying at home. Yet this change is necessary and its affecting everyone. Instead ask yourself:
How can I adapt?
Use it as a chance to develop your resilience and ability to be learn independently, which will help you for life. Focus on what you control: What actions can I take to help myself be productive and disciplined? Which leads to the next point below:
2. Optimize your Environment
Your environment is EXTREMELY important. There is a saying that goes “environment is stronger than will”. If you set up your room or work space well, 80% of the battle is won.
To optimize means to ‘make the most of’. How can you ensure you have the best environment and habits?
Here are some tips:
CLEAN YOUR DESK AND YOUR ROOM. Do it for your Mum’s and your sanity. Take half a day to tidy and clean your entire room. A clean and germ reduced environment makes you feel fresher and more energetic. A less cluttered (messy) desk also makes your mind clearer and more focused.
Organize your learning materials and classify them into subjects. When it’s time to revise or learn about one subject, take all the material you need and put it on your desk. Leave the rest of the other subjects stored elsewhere. This ensures you don’t waste time finding things and reducing your energy.
Get everything you need for one study/revision session. Your water bottle, stationery, healthy snacks and fruits, speaker. If you keep having to get up and find stuff, you lose the momentum.
Put on some light classical or study music. Research shows music can relax the mind and help you focus. Everyone has their own preference, so pick any that works for you.
EVERYTHING IS PERFECT HERE, EXCEPT ONE THING ;) Spot it? If not, read the next point.
Remove Distractions. Social media, your bed and phone are your biggest distractions. A proven way to break bad habits is to remove the cue (the thing) that leads you to the bad habit. If you feel the urge to reply texts immediately when your phone vibrates, then put your phone in the cupboard or another room when you are working on a task.
Be resourceful. If you need help with work, find innovative ways to get it. You can zoom your friends to discuss topics, research it online, or check with your teacher on how to reach him/her if needed.
Work out a Schedule! This is by far the most important. Here’s a step by step way to do it.
Step 1: Write your TO DOs at the beginning of the week (Do this on Sun). This includes Your HBL assignments + the revision/practice you want to do. Be specific, e.g: Practice 2 chapters of Math this week, revise 3 chapters of Science notes, etc.
Step 2: Break down your TO DOs into specific tasks and time slots. For example, Practicing 2 chapters off Math can be broken down into 30mins x 4 sessions.
Step 3: Schedule all your specific tasks into a calender for the whole week, either an online or physical calender (Try Evernote, its free an quite useful free app on your computer/phone). Do this on Sun night for the whole upcoming week. On each night before the following day, look at your schedule and mentally prepare yourself for the next day.
Some additional tips for scheduling:
1) The schedule can be changed! The benefit of having an online calender is that you can move things around and make small changes during the week if needed.
2) You don’t need to squeeze everything and stick to a very specific time. If you’re just starting out, this is difficult. Instead, split your day into Morning – Afternoon – Night. Schedule your activities in. As long as you complete them within that period, its fine !
An VISUAL example of how you can use EVERNOTE to schedule your work below. Note: ‘SES’ stands for Session, not Social Economic Status XD
3. Don’t be TOO SERIOUS!
After being serious and optimizing your environment, the last thing to do its CHILL. HAVE FUN. SPREAD YOUR TIK TOK VIRUS. This I don’t need to elaborate much, since everyone is good at this.
Your mind needs rest and play is important, just make sure you be serious first!
Here are some suggestions to use your break time:
1) Find time to EXCERCISE. Go out and run or exercise (Practice safe distancing of course!)
2) Further your PASSIONS AND INTERESTS. Watch videos, listen to podcasts or learn about topics in your area of interest outside your textbook.
3) Zoom with your friends, it’s important to stay socially connected and encourage one another if needed
4) Spend time with your family over some board games or watching shows/movies. Now is a good time to build understanding and connection.
That’s about it! Hope these helps you. Use this time to improve yourself and your study habits :)
Stay Safe and Stay Resilient !
What does 'Comfort Zone' really mean? & Why You Should Get Outta It
MAGIC BEGINS at end of the comfort zone
Perhaps you’ve chanced across the cover photo, or a quote that states “Magic begins at the end of your comfort zone”. You might furrow your brows and think: ‘What nonsense, what is this ‘magic’?!?!?I don’t want to be a magician.’ Or if you’re optimistic about life, you might get “motivated” without any real direction.
Either way, due to a gap in understanding, the oft quoted concept of “getting out of your comfort zone” may not create significant change. Yet, a deeper appreciation and application of this concept is crucial in personal and professional success.
As such, to help you use this concept to your advantage, this article will
1. Define the ‘comfort zone’
2. Share the drawbacks of staying in the comfort zone
3. Explain this elusive ‘magic’ of stepping out of your comfort zone.
(This post is not meant as a listicle, by a comprehensive read: ~ 5-7mins)
Defining the comfort zone
The ‘comfort zone’ simply means tasks or environments we are comfortable with. In your comfort zone, you excel with little fear or distress. Interestingly, everyone’s comfort zone is different; presenting may be comfortable to me, but not to you. Coding may be comfortable to someone else, but not to me.
Comfort zones refer to areas in your life where you receive adequate support. For example, a school environment may be comfortable, but not a working one.
We are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. As such we naturally gravitate towards our ‘comfort zone’. This instinct ensures our basic survival yet (ironically) also threatens it. How?
Dangers of the Comfort Zone
1. Complacency and Consequence
There was a frog who came across two pots of water. It jumped into the first pot, but the water was scalding hot, so it immediately got out. Then, it jumped into the second pot where the temperature was lower. Slowly, the sun started to heat up the water, but the frog stayed comfortable. Eventually, the water boiled and cooked the frog. (Yes I know frogs aren’t stupid, but you get the point). In our studies or profession, comfort can breed complacency, and complacency kills. We suffer from the arrival syndrome and find no need to improve. Truth is, the environment is continuous evolving; technology advances, companies acquire one another, roles might require new skills. If we don’t adapt to changing needs, we will suffer the consequences - regressing and/or getting replaced. Conor McGregor, a renown mixed martial arts champion, once said in an interview:
“People say a loss can make or break a fighter. I don’t think so. I think a win is more dangerous. Because you get comfortable and others catch up to you”.
Life is no different. The comfort zone is your failure zone.
2. Comfort breeds weaknesses
The comfort zone also refers to environments where we receive an overabundance of support. You’ve probably heard the true story of how a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly – If you pity it and help it out of his cocoon, it develops an incapability to fly. Struggle is necessary for its full development. This phenomenon is a perfect analogy for life. Kids raised with a silver spoon may be more dependent and less equipped to deal with life’s challenges. Academic success supported by a kind environment may not necessary translate to professional success, since key traits like resourcefulness or resilience can only be developed through struggle.
Dr De Martini, a respected researcher and speaker, said that we need a balance of support and challenge - an over or under supply of either can result in poor mental health. If you’re helping someone, be careful not to tip the balance – over support can unintentionally weaken a person. If you’re currently receiving too much support , you might consider being more independent.
3. Spiritual Dissatisfaction and Regret
The most crippling consequence of staying in the comfort zone is spiritual dissatisfaction. We are spiritual beings, blessed with unique gifts. When we deny the expression of these gifts, we feel inauthentic, frustrated and unfulfilled. Just like how physical pain compels us to see the doctor, such emotions are feedback systems that urges us to change and ‘do something’. This is why we recognize the importance of stepping beyond our comfort zone. Maybe it’s a choice of a study path, of starting a business, or just having the urge to do something different.
Yet, fear holds us back. What fear? The fear of failure, of what others think, of rejection. In the end, we live up to others (parental, societal, cultural) expectations instead of our own; we please everyone except the person that matters most – ourselves. This is a sad reality and the basis of regret.
In a book entitled “5 secrets to discover before you die”, John Izzo interviews over 200 elderly people, ages 60-106 years old, to share ‘secrets’ most valuable for a meaningful life. One of the ‘secrets’ was ‘leave no regrets’. I quote the book: “It became evident that at the end of our lives, we will not regret risks we took. Not one person said they regretted trying something, even if it didn’t work out as hoped. Yet, many regretted not taking enough risks.” Interestingly, the word ‘Regret’ comes from Old French ‘regreter’, which means to moan or bewail someone’s death. If we stay in the comfort zone and be too afraid, we will eventually moan the death of our talents and abilities that could’ve been.
Success begins at end of comfort zone
Not that you understand the drawbacks of the comfort zone, here are the benefits of stepping beyond it, and HOW to do it.
Personal Responsibility and Continuous Growth
Take a look at the diagram above. Your comfort zone is the same as your circle of influence. It refers to tasks/skills you are comfortable doing, which leads to outcomes you have influence over. The circle of concern refers to problems that frustrate you, that are out of your comfort zone. When faced with a concern, most people will engage in what I like to call the C3 (complain criticize, condemn) and BMW (Blame, Moan and Whine). For example, when you fail a test or perform badly at work, you might point fingers at a teacher’s or colleague’s incapability. While it could be partially true, focusing solely on the concern will not help; it will cause you to revolve around the circle of concern (hence the term ‘going around in circles’). You’ll get increasingly frustrated because what you focus on expands; your attention and energy is directed towards the concern and not the solution.
What then is the solution? It is to take personal responsibility. The word responsibility is a blending of response + ability; the ability to respond. Responsibility asks the question: “What can I do?” and adopts the response: “For things to change, first I must change”.
“For things to change, first I must change”.
The focus is on the “I”. This doesn’t mean that you blame yourself for every problem, rather acknowledge that it is more worthwhile to focus on your response (which you have control over), and not the external circumstances (which you don’t have control over).
This is where you decide to step out of your comfort zone and expand your circle of influence. When you attempt to, you enter the growth zone, where there is fear and frustration. You are bound to regress, but don’t quit. Unfortunately, some quit and permanently C^3 and BMW. Yet, if you wish to experience personal growth and solve problems, it is absolutely crucial that you preserve. The beautiful thing about this is that you literally become ‘bigger than your problems’.
Take the earlier example. Instead of blaming, the student can do more independent study, seek help from friends, or speak to the teacher sincerely about the concern. The worker can improve his/her communication skills and ability to work with different personalities. Either way, both of them are improving their resourcefulness and responsibility. Referring to the ‘AFTER’ diagram above, they have now expanded their comfort zone / circle of influence. In future, a similar problem will be less worrying, as they are now comfortable handling it. However, if you choose not to expand your comfort zone, the same problems will repeat themselves over and over, because the real ‘problem’ is YOU.
Human’s problem’s cannot be solved with the same thinking that created it - Einstein
It is also interestingly to note that 1. Everyone’s comfort zone is different and 2. There is always room to expand your comfort zone. Singing might be excruciating to me, but not to a singer; giving a presentation might be comfortable to me but not to you. As such, it is unwise to make comparisons and prudent to focus on yourself. Also (and I find this humbling), regardless of how “good” you are at something, regardless of how much you expand your comfort zone, the circle of concern will always exist. I can speak comfortably in front of 40 people, but 1000 might be a concern. I can expand my influence to be comfortable with 1000 people, but what about 10,000, or what about different audiences and content?
And this ties to the principle of ‘growth’. I quote Paul Kalanthini where he said: “Darwin and Nietzsche agreed on one thing: the defining characteristic of the organism is striving”. We derive meaning and happiness from growth, expanding our comfort zone to overcome our problems. Stagnation (in a r/s, studies, anything) can feel awful. So, decide to choose growth.
“Circumstances don’t make a man, it reveals himself to him”
Authenticity - Fulfillment - Contribution
Authenticity means being true to yourself. Authenticity leads to fulfillment and unique contribution. It means stepping out of comfort and following your heart despite resistance and opposing expectations. I restate, we are spiritual beings, blessed with unique gifts. When we take courage and express those gifts, we feel authentic and fulfilled. At a top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a spiritual need - self-actualization, to ‘actualize ourselves’ or become the best version of ourselves. When we do, we offer a unique contribution to the world; no one else but you and offer your gift. Too often, out of fear disguised as practicality, we labour at something we’re not designed to do, and forgo that unique contribution we offer. Take any example of a respected figure who made significant contribution (Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Bill Gates, etc) and you’ll see that stuck by their mission despite conflict, criticism and cynicism.
In 2015 when I was 21, I dreamt of speaking to youth in schools. Yet, there was considerable apprehension. I told a friend: “I have a love for this, but what credibility do I have? I’m afraid I’m not capable enough”. He replied: “We all start somewhere. Remember your struggles and triumphs over the last 5 years. Then go back in time. What are the most valuable things you want to tell your 16,17 year old self? That is your credibility.” These words started my journey. I messaged founders of training companies on LinkedIn, started work and never looked back. Reflecting on it, my work has brought me an inexplicable joy and fulfillment. Had I listened to my fears, I would never have this avenue for contribution.
Knowledge is only potential power. Apply NOW!
We’ve all heard that “Knowledge is power”. It’s not true. Applied knowledge is power. With this increased awareness, my hope is that you’ll take that bold step outside your comfort zone. It could be an interest you’ve wanted to explore, a course you want to pursue, or picking up a new skill. It need not always be a grand pursuit; it could simply be taking responsibility to improve a strained relationship or deciding to blame less and focus on solutions.
The ‘comfort zone’ might feel safer, less risky, more “practical”. Yet, I contest that we are not created merely just to survive; We are created to thrive and take risks, to express our God-given talents and contribute beyond ourselves.
Paradoxically, only by venturing beyond our self-imposed ‘comfort zone’, can our spirit find true ‘comfort’!