Stories are powerful.
Stories are the most perennial, persuasive, and powerful form of communication. It is indescribable, the exact moment when audience ‘lock in’ to a story. You see it in their eyes, you feel it in their spirit. Science confirms this – our brain waves ‘sync up’ when we listen to a story: You are in sync with other listeners, and everyone is in sync with the storyteller.
I’ve been to over 50 schools and spoken to students of different ages and backgrounds. What fascinates me is this – regardless of differences, the time where they pay the most attention is 1) When I’m talking about failure, and 2) When I tell a story.
This was one of the reasons the podcast was born. We face a crisis in resilience. Students (and everyone really) personalize failure and it is painful to see. One way to help them? Stories.
I’ve been blessed to host 15 guests so far. Each story unique, and precious. To commemorate this, I’ve compiled a list of their backgrounds and the most striking lessons I’ve learnt from each one. Stories leave clues, and I hope this compilation gives you clues to build your own resilience 😊
I split the article into 2 parts, check out PART 1 HERE If you haven’t)
(Also, subscribe here to the podcast if you haven’t!)
9. Sim Kang Wei – Focus On What You Can Control & Give Yourself Permission to Rest
Kang Wei is a trained counsellor, trainer, speaker and passionate advocate for people with disabilities (PWDs). Kang Wei purpose and passion partially stems from his experiences living with a condition called cerebral palsy, where abnormal brain development can affect muscle growth or motor skills. In 2013, Kangwei was awarded the Stars of SHINE Youth Award, an award that highlights and profile youth role models as a source of encouragement and inspiration to other youths.
I learnt 2 main things from him: 1) Power of choice and 2) Being patient in the process.
Kang Wei faced constant bullying and teasing everyday. One day, he told himself
“Ok now I’ve faced with this reality, I cannot change who I am. It was very close to my O levels. I made it very simple for myself. I have 2 options: ‘Either I give up and surrender, and say that ok i’m not going to study, this is too hard for me to deal with. Or I can choose to take this on as a challenge. I cannot change my circumstances, but I can choose my response”
When I asked him about self-care advice, this was his reply:
“Give yourself permission to rest. To live through your challenges. Notice I said live through it, not overcome it. Overcoming has the connotation of immediacy, but sometimes the solutions take time to take shape, it takes times to formulate. It’s about embracing the process, and appreciating ourselves for doing our best”
Wow. When he shared that, it spoke to me directly. With my Type A personality, I feel need to overcome and thrive every single day. And that pressure to perform sometimes gets to me. Demanding excellence is good, but not to the point where it has adverse consequence on your mental and emotional state.
So, exercise the power of choice, and have patience (and pat yourself on the back) when you’re going through a tough time.
10. Jonathan Kuek – The importance of connectedness and hope.
Jonathan Kuek is a mental health researcher, passionate advocate and volunteer leader. He is pursuing a Doctorate in Philosophy, where his research involves exploring and understanding recovery from mental health conditions in an Asian Context
Naturally, I asked Jon: “What factors aid recovery from a mental health condition in our context?”
He shared: “It seems that connectedness plays a huge role, especially in Asian societies. We want the people around us to understand and be involved. That’s why I advocate for a person-oriented recovery, where we listen to their needs and not just prescribing. It’s probably more important than seeking professional help. That’s not to say that you don’t seek it, but in an Asian culture, people also want others around them to be involved in it.
So the optimum synergy for recovery is the balance between mental health professionals, various careteams, and social connectedness of the individual.
It’s also about helping them to find hope. So hope is a relatively new construct that is starting to come up and people are starting to talk about it a bit more, being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When you’re able to give that to them, it does help in the recovery process.”
Jonathans’ words REALLY spoke to me. These two factors were major major points in my journey of recovery.
It applies not just to more severe mental health conditions but any challenging period in life. Everyone could benefit from a community that cares and provides you that hope to carry on. Even if it’s a glimmer, it makes the difference between light and darkness.
11. Dr Chee Soon Juan – Courage is not the absence of fear, but acting in spite of it.
Many know Dr Chee as an established politician with a strong presence, but fewer know who he is as a father, a friend and a person. We discuss Dr Chee’s upbringing, struggles and family, before discussing themes of resilience, mental health and youth.
I am politically neutral. I don’t necessarily believe in all of Dr Chee’s ideals, but I must confess I am viscerally attracted to his tenacity and resilience. Some of his speeches have brought me to tears, and given me courage to pursue my dreams. So it was a heartwarming moment for me to converse with him not as a politician, but as a human. He was very kind to me. It was my most memorable episode.
It’s impossible to capture the essence of his words through writing, so I’ll just leave this snippet here. I asked him 10 questions on his reflections and secrets to resilience. The authority and presence in his answers speaks for itself.
Some quotes by Dr Chee that struck me most:
“Never leave a gap in communication with your kids. By that I don’t mean nagging, I mean let them know, that no matter how high they jump, mama and papa will be there to catch them if they fall.”
“If you must, sit down, rest for a while, but at some point you got to get up again. You don’t do it because you’re not feeling tired and you’re not feeling fearful anymore. You do it despite feeling tired, despite feeling fearful. And that is courage, not the absence of fear, but acting in spite of it. Even if you’re crying inside, you’re cracking inside, get up.
“Adversity is like fire. They are good servants but terrible terrible masters. Make sure you never let it get the better of you”.
Regardless of political beliefs, anyone can learn from Dr Chee’s resilience, compassion, and how he raised his family. I hope my (and the younger) generation grow up and discuss our future with empathy, even if we don't fully agree on everything. That's the way we must move forward!
12. Dylan Lim – To get motivation, shift your focus and meaning
Dylan Lim is a graduate from Nanyang Business School (2020), where he specialized in banking and finance and graduated with 1st class honours. He choose to pursue his passion in teaching, and is now a full time tutor with a dream to set up a centre called Paradigm, where students shift their paradigms, that education is not just a chase for grades, but a holistic exploration and development of one’s strengths, passions and dreams.
We discussed students concerns. You might not be a student anymore, but the lesson is still relevant. In coaching students to find motivation, Dylan spends time shifting what students associate with studies/education. Students struggle because studying to them is associated to boredom and torture. Instead, he helps them to see beyond, how studying can lead them to their passions and building character. He also gets them to ruminate on 3 fundamental questions:
What are you interested in?
What are you curious about?
What problems do you want to solve?
These questions lead students to see beyond their grades, and start to think about purpose. They are driven by something beyond the immediate.
To build our resilience, it helps to take a long-term viewpoint, and link “boring” tasks to your end in mind.
13. Jerry Oliveiro – The value of mindfulness and meditation
Jeremy Oliveiro (Jerry) was deeply affected when a youth under his care decided to take their own life. It drives him to speak up the topic of suicide and prevention, as taboo as it may be. He has diverse experiences and expertise across different vocations, as an educator, psychologist, counsellor and youth-worker. He has a masters in counselling and is currently working as a psychology lecturer in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. He is also a Director (Membership and Strategic Engagements) with SG Psych Stuff, and an international member of the American Psychological Association (APA)
When we discuss building resilience, I was pleasantly surprised that he brought up the value of mindfulness and meditation.
Mindfulness refers to a state of being intensely aware of the what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment. Meditation is a practice that can aid mindfulness, There are other mindfulness exercises like body scanning, yoga, etc.
He shares research that shows that psychological resilience is more pronounced in mindful people. Why? Because it allows you to deexcite the nervous system, bring you to a calmer state and deal with negative emotions better. This allows you to reduce the tendency of overlooking novel ways of adapting or responding.
I really liked the last point. A major ingredient of resilience is learning to respond and not react to stressors. Here’s a table of the difference. (BMW, CCC stands for Blaming, Moaning, Whining & Criticizing, Condemning and Complaining)
Too often we get into a ‘charged’ state, and cannot respond or think critically about our next option. Hence, mindfulness and meditation are excellent ways to train our ability to respond. I’ve started to practice it recently and it really helps deal with anxiety and train our presence.
Definitely try out meditation or other mindful practices!
Links to full podcast: Youtube/Spotify
14. U.K Shyam – The Bigger the Dream, the finer the details. Also, BOTH the environment and human will matter.
U.K Shyam is the current national 100m record holder at 10.37s, a record which stands since 2001. What’s more striking is the circumstances under which he did it. Having come from a single-parent family, he faced insecurity and lowered self-worth. He discovered his talent and found solace in track and field, which ironically also become his source of heartaches. Lacking funds and dealing with systemic challenges, he came to a point where he was ‘running on empty’, as his book title suggests. This led him to leave the sport, only to have circumstance change its mind briefly, in the form of swim legend Ang Peng Siong. His support, financially and emotionally, helped Shyam to rejoin the sport and break the record.
Links to full podcast: Youtube/Spotify
Shyam’s story exemplifies the battle between the environment and the will. Which is stronger? I personally think you can’t pick one over the other; they are interdependent, and both matter. It helps instead to focus on how to strengthen both. This rings true in Shyam’s case.
Coming from an underprivileged background, he had to work and train at the same time, while fighting for time off from National Service. He had to balance his responsibility to provide for his family with his sporting dream. As strong as his will is, the clutch of circumstance was significant .
In the end, it was favourable circumstance (Ang Peng Siong’s help) that led him to rejoin the sport. Without the intervention, in his words: “I would would have left the sport”
Of course, take absolutely nothing away from Shyam’s will. Even with the help, breaking the record was a mammoth task. He is a fighter, and part of the equation in the achievement.
“When a broke the record, it represented my whole life. Amidst the turmoil and mess of my life, suddenly there was a moment of clarity” - U.K Shyam.
This leads to an applicable point for all of us, shared through Shyam’s words: “The bigger the dream, the finer the details need to be”. In sport, becoming world class requires a very specific plan: funding, training regimes, diet, competitions, etc. It is the same for any dream we are chasing.
In the process of planning, focus on 2 key factors – the environment and your will. How can you strengthen both? Can you seek like minded people? Can you look for funding? Can you boost your productivity by altering your environment? At the same time, focus on strengthening your will. Pray, meditate, stay committed. Whatever works to build your faith and self-belief, do it.
“Dream in grand, but plan in minute. ”
15. Vanessa Ho – The value of saying ‘Why Not?’ and a Slash (/) career
Vanessa Ho is a business student/entrepreneur/host/actor/DJ/writer/media influencer. She is an exemplar of someone pursuing a slash (/) career, in which a person makes multiple income streams simultaneously from different passions or forms of work. Despite her success at a young age, she is incredibly humble and constantly works to improve and give back.
Wow it was inspiring to host Vanessa, especially for a youth like me. Before she turned 21, she already accomplished so much. It’s tempting to attribute it to talent alone, yet if you take time to understand her story, you realise that her thought process and work ethic played an equal or arguably greater role.
At 15, she saw an ad for the ‘New Paper New Face’ competition. She said ‘Why not?’ and joined it with no prior experience. That led her to build her confidence and open doors to other opportunities, in media and commercials, and eventually entering Star Search and winning the best newcomer award.
Links to full podcast: Youtube/Spotify
“I guess I was never comfortable with just one thing. I was never comfortable with just modelling. I was always thinking, what can I try next. I wanted a steep learning curve before 21, to meet and learn from as many people as possible. When opportunities present itself, I’d always ask ‘Why Not’?, but also with the mentality that there is no fear of failure. I’m ok if I never become a top model, but that experience gives me so many transferable skills and open doors to so many other opportunities”
Of course, a slash career is not for everyone, but if you see value in it, go for it! Another person that comes to my mind is Ali Abdaal, a doctor in UK who earns thrice as much from his Youtube channel and courses. Check him out here, I LOVE his content.
Check out this snippet from a fun and educational Q & A with Vanessa!
We’ve come to the end of our 15 lessons from 15 guests! Writing this was magical. It brought back memories, reinforced the key lessons, and strengthened my gratitude and drive. I hope reading it has done the same for you. Looking forward to more episodes in future.
Stay Loving and Stay Resilient!