Do Grades Matter?
To students, grades matter. As we work hard to nurture a culture where character is emphasized and alternative paths are celebrated, grades still do constitute a big part of students’ self-esteem and mindspace.
Hence, as students receive their EOY results, here are 5 helpful ways to coach/encourage them when they feel discouraged from unmet expectations (or even when they do meet expectations)
1. Be cautious when using the term ‘Grades don’t matter’
Students probably hear (and see) this axiom often - on social media and in person. While the statement ‘Grades Don’t Matter’ in itself holds truth and mostly said in good intentions, an overuse might lead to subconscious rejection (‘ah, that phrase again’). In fact, at key moments (especially after receiving results), grades DO matter more to students. How can it not matter? When students’ spend hours studying or tie certain meaning to grades.
A good approach then, would be to empathize first, before any coaching is done. Instead of outrightly saying ‘Grades don’t matter’, it may help to emphasis that you fully understand that ‘Grades do matter’ to them, especially give the context. This builds connection and validates their feelings. Once done, students’ may be more receptive to any advice that comes after.
2. Apply ‘growth mindset’ principles when applying praise.
Chances are, you’ve heard of the growth mindset (if you haven’t however, click here for a detailed explanation and science behind it).
Where handing of grades is concerned, it’s a great opportunity to apply it. Be cautious about praising students for their intelligence, ability or even their standing in class. This may result in a self-esteem build around variables and outcomes (which is dangerous). Instead, consider highlighting improvements or efforts of specific students who gave their best and put it effort (regardless of their absolute grades). Being specific about the praise and the context around it (what he/she did, the difficulties and choices made) will help champion a culture of growth in class communities, where the process (and not just outcomes) are celebrated and appreciated among each other.
3. Emphasize the importance of Equanimity (you can teach students a new world too!)
The reason why failure stings is because we worship success. Through social media and societal pressures, youth are conditioned to view outcomes as the pedestal. This also explains why ‘the greater the climb, the harder the (possible) fall.’
Our perceptions and emotions are relative. This is well researched (as with how happiness levels in pay raises depends not on our absolute raise but against others’). The same applies for grades and expectations.
As such, it helps to highlight equanimity. This refers to the quality of being balanced or even minded under stress or outcomes. In the case of grades - ‘Not letting success get to your head, nor failure get to your heart’. This helps those who did well to remain humble and grounded, and encourages those with unmet expectations to remain hopeful and included.
4. Highlight paragons of Grit/Resilience that may relate to students
Storytelling is the most powerful and moving form of communication. Hence, highlighting local and global examples of resilience may give students inspiration and perspective to overcome academic setbacks.
Here are some examples you may consider using:
5. Coaching the Application of Resilience
Once connection is built, coaching can come in. If you’re reading this, chances are your students’ might have been through our talks or programmes. You may recap the mindset and tools given to help them work through their setback! Here’s a recap of the 3 Core (Re)silience Messages
Reframe Perspective
Reminding students not to view failure as a personal or permanent stigma, but rather an isolated neutral event for improvement.
Tools
Reflective or expressive journalling can help with emotional catharsis and identifying areas to learn and progress
Expressive journalling involves writing (or drawing) all thoughts and feelings on paper without judgement
Reflective journalling involves writing down
a) What happened? (students can write both outcomes, thoughts and how they feel)
b) Why did it happen? (beliefs or actions that resulted in outcomes or feelings)
c) What can I do to improve?
For b), its important to be specific about it as students usually give brief answers like ‘didn’t study hard enough’. It helps to go deeper to help them write root reasons and identify the context and specific factors or beliefs that led to the outcomes
Reclaim Control
This refers to focusing on what you can control, not what you can’t. This refers to Responding, Not Reacting to the issue. Be mindful to use this only after connection is built and students’ feel validating. This stronger approach requires them to be a state to process and move forward.
Coach students to PAUSE, before thinking or acting. Pausing helps to reset the stress response and come back to balance. Some examples include deep breathing, watching a movie, going for a walk in nature, prayer, etc (Click here for 10 ways you can advise them to try)
Another tool the inner and outer circle exercise. Click here for worksheet. Regarding their situation, students can write down SPECIFICIALLY what they can’t control about it and what they can control. Writing it out on paper helps being clarity and put attention on what can be controlled.
Request Support
Finally, always always remind students that in this journey, it is crucial to have a strong support system around them (friends, teachers, family, etc). While each pillar may be stronger/weaker for each individual, encourage them to build these pillars to the best of their ability.
In line with world mental health day on the this article (10 Oct), it’s also important to openly but maturely discuss mental health with classes and/or give personal assurance that there is no shame in seeking professional help if needed
Conclusion
I hope this short article helps give some ideas to coach students.
It’s never easy being an educator or parent, and my full respect goes to you! Let’s continue to put in the hard and heart work to nurture our next generation to become people of both intellect and character
Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all
With love and resilience,
Kevin
Rebound with Resilience is a social enterprise specializing in building resilience, mental wellness and enabling peer support culture and skills. We also work with people with disabilities, giving them opportunities to speak in schools and inspire youth with their stories of resilience. Since inception, we have worked with over 70 schools and organizations and served over 10,000+ participants. Drop us an enquiry into our talks/programmes anytime!