At 2 years old, I felt sharp pains in my foot. When you walk, you can flex your foot up to take the next step. But mine has no flexion, it was just ‘piak piak piak’. I was initially diagnosed with muscular dystrophy, a condition which causes progressive weakening of muscles.
My mum teared. She was worried for my future in general, and whether I would have friends. In primary school, her fears were valid. Classmates would throw staples in my hair and treated me differently. It wasn’t out of malice, just kids being kids. But it did make me upset sometimes.
I remember the day vividly. I was 5, and followed my brothers to swim class. I really enjoyed being in the water. Thankfully the swim coach had experienced coaching people with disabilities so she agreed. I fell in love with the water, or rather the feeling. I could jump, do headstands, somersaults, do what everyone else could do. I felt free.
At about 12, I eventually had to use a wheelchair. Many presume I felt negative about it, but it was the opposite- I felt happy. Because walking was starting to get difficult, and I didn’t want to always rely on others. With the wheelchair, I could go around on my own. I felt independent.
Freedom and Independence.
Both are mindsets I choose to carry, that aren’t limited by my “disability”.
You can be able bodied, yet disabled by your mindset. Conversely, you might be physically disabled, yet enabled by your mindset.
I’m very competitive. Swimming gave me that platform to compete. In secondary school, I trained hard and won. After years of training competitively, my coach saw potential. She then asked if I wanted to step up my training for the 2008 Beijing Paralympics, to at least 12 times a week. The Paralympics was during my ‘O’ level year, just 1 month before.
I decided to do it. Time management became crucial. I put priority on swimming, reduced social time, and studied and trained concurrently. It wasn’t easy, there were challenges. I had to make tweaks to my strokes, keep improving, wake up at 5am and balance between training and school. There were days it was especially tiring, but I never thought of quitting. I know that I cannot snooze, because every training session brings me closer to the goal.
When I am asked what’s my mindset that helps me, I always share: I focus on things I CAN control, not things I can’t. I can’t control how fast my competitors swim, the competition venue, the conditions & circumstances. So I don’t worry about it, I spend my energy on things I can change, like how hard I train, how well I execute my race. It applies not just in swimming, but to life.
15 Sep 2008. I’m in the 50m backstroke final. Hundreds of training sessions have led to this. I was slightly nervous before, but not now. My focus is not on the outcome. My only focus is the execution. I have visualized this race hundreds of times in my head – my breathing, my strokes, my technique. The starting whistle sounds. I give everything I’ve got.
I reach back and stretch one last time. I pull myself up and squint at the scoreboard. 58.75s. Gold with a new world record.
I step on the podium and wave to celebrate with the Singapore contingent. In the audience, my Mum waves back with a wide smile, and my Dad captures the moment with his video recorder.
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As I sing the Singapore National Anthem, I am overwhelmed with many emotions - Gratitude, happiness, a sense of accomplishment that the hard work has paid off.
Since 2008, there’s been ups and downs. I took a break after 2008 to focus on my studies. When i decided to focus on swimming again, i dreaded having to wake up at 5am. It took me awhile to get back into the groove. I eventually went back to training, but finished 4th in both of my events in the 2012 Paralympics. After that, in University, I learnt my lesson. Which was to start training immediately and commit myself completely to it. It was really taxing to balance studies and swimming however it was necessary. My team and I put in a lot of effort. Hence, I was beyond happy when I did win 2 more Gold medals at the 2016 Rio Paralympics.
My accomplishments is not solely from my efforts. I have many people to thank…family, supporters, friends, coaches, it’s hard to name all. As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. My entire village is my Singapore Kampung.
From someone who was born with unique circumstances, who knew little about para-sports, who faced common struggles that Singaporeans face, to eventually being a Paralympian and a voice for Singaporeans…I want to tell others that if you want it bad enough, if you set your heart and mind on something, what we can achieve is limitless.
Even though we are a really small country, we can do big things.