The Problem, Consequence & Solution
I often ask students: “What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘failure’? Beyond the standard answers of “loserr” and “get scolding laa”, you witness something fascinating – you can see their physiology change – they look down, close up, and wear a subtle expression of fear.
Some may say its “normal”. Well maybe it is, which highlights the problem more. Fear is normal, but it’s not “normal” to fear failure to such a great degree. Students have limitless potential, and time to nurture their talents. Yet, with an exaggerated fear of failure – it cripples them; they become too cautious, too afraid to try, which stifles their creativity and kills their potential.
This is painful to witness :( and worth taking seriously!
What is the solution then?
Fear results largely from perspective - Failure is a neutral event, our interpretation causes the fear. And students are conditioned to interpret failure as undesirable, as a punishable offence. As such, If we can change students perspective to failure, it’s a good start.
Here are 3 useful ways to #reframeperspective to failure:
1. Failing at a specific task does NOT mean you’ve failed as a person.
Compare 2 events – Failing to solve a Rubik's cube VS failing a math test. Which task is likely to affect them more? Probably the test. But Why?
Logically, both events are just neutral tasks, no different at all. Yet, the reason for differing reactions is the subjective value/interpretation we attach to the task – a person with “bad” grades is perceived to be inferior and “stupid”. This value is manufactured by society and culture, yet we believe them as truths. As such, for tasks accorded greater societal value, students personalize failure- they believe failing in the task equates to their self-worth.
The negative impact on one’s self-worth is the most crippling consequence of personalizing failure. We must teach students to recognize that failure is not a reflection of their self-worth- to recognize that failing at a math test is not very different from failing to solve a Rubik’s cube. In BOTH cases, it doesn’t mean we’re a personal failure- it simply means, we lack the skills to perform the task, which leads to the next point:
2. Failure is a feedback system, an opportunity for correction
When we experience physical pain, our body is sending us feedback. It’s nudging us to do something to remove that pain. If we keep ignoring it, our body sends bigger ‘feedback’ – in the form of a heart attack or stroke for example. And we are forced to take action.
Failure works the same- it is life’s feedback system. When we fail, it is feedback that either (a) or (b):
a. You haven’t acquired the skill set (both emotional or technical) to accomplish the task
Take the earlier example, failing at math could mean students lack knowledge/practice, have poor study habits or lack discipline. If you constantly face similar “failures”, for e.g. people always being late for appointments or constantly being taken advantage of, it might be feedback that you lack the self-image to call on others, because you’re too afraid of what others think.
b. Your value and gifts lie elsewhere
Again, take the earlier example as reference. Let’s assume you practiced hard and applied discipline, but still “fail” to do as well as your friends. Then, it could mean your talent lies elsewhere. Recognize that, and build on your strengths instead (Am not suggesting we fail on purpose, but don’t get hung up if you’ve already done your best)
As Lee Kuan Yew once mentioned “Your job is to do the best of the cards you were dealt with…Don’t try to do something you’re not favoured by nature to do”.
“Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential… And I begun directing my energy to the only work that mattered to me” - J.K Rowling
3. Failure and success are complementary, not contradictory.
When working out, the only way muscles grow is by ‘breaking’ the muscle fibres, and waiting for them to ‘grow’ again. Similarly, success is not the opposite of failure, success occurs BECAUSE of failure - specifically learning and growing from it.
And yet, due to media and society, we misinterpret success and failure; we think “success” is a grand achievement reserved for the super talented, while ‘failure’ is a sin for the inferior. The reality is that they are not independent, they are interdependent.
When we understand this relationship, we:
Stop avoiding failure, we see it as a necessary part of reaching success.
We don’t adopt an all or nothing mentality, where you say “Aiya, no matter what, cannot get A, so might as well don’t study”.
We take failure objectively, don’t condemn ourselves, and become more emotionally stable. Instead, we reflect and ask ourselves, what can I learn from it?
Thomas Edison, the creator of the light bulb, once said: “I didn’t fail; I just found 10000 ways it did not work”. With each experiment, he took the feedback, focused on what worked and eliminated what didn’t work. Life is similar. Our success, our desired outcome is the final light bulb, and we reach it is through constant correction.
“Every Master Was Once A Disaster” - T Harv Eker
Conclusion
I’ll conclude with a story: When I was a prefect in primary school, my title got taken away because I failed my Chinese. My Mum knew the effort I put in, and was unhappy. She went to the school and said something like: “If his attitude is bad, I understand, but my son has tried his best. And he does his duties with pride. What message would you send across if you sack him?”
And I got back my title.
Sometimes, when society unknowingly stigmatizes failure, we are conditioned to see it as negative, avoid it, or fear it.
Yet the truth is, we WILL fail to succeed UNLESS we are willing to fail, in order to succeed.
So adopt these 3 perspective changes to failure, and fail forward!