Let’s Be REAL
With 2019 coming to a close, you’ve probably done some reflection: Goals you hit or missed, relationships you’ve gained and loss, fears you’ve conquered or yielded to. Nevertheless, a new year may bring that longing for growth, that tinge of hope, that flicker of inspiration for greater fulfillment and happiness. And so, we set resolutions. ‘IM gonna LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!! I’M GOING TO START A BUSINESS!’. NEW YEAR, NEW MEEEEEEEE!!
Yet, we hardly ever achieve them. Why? Because striving for a goal, just like nurturing relationships, is never about intensity; it’s about consistency.
Hence, this post aims to provide a systematic outline to build that consistency, and a step by step approach to set goals and step out of comfort. I made it comprehensive for a reason, so sit tight and absorb as much as you, theres no shortcuts to growth!
1. Enhance your Self-Awareness
Self-Awareness is huge. Massive. It guides your strategy in setting worthwhile goals; it helps you answer the question: ‘What specific areas should I go beyond my comfort zone? We are born with unique genius and abilities, and the first step is to recognize them. How? This is a tough question, but there are some tools I can point you.
A. Do this 3 Qn Exercise
A good start is to do a written exercise (here is the link for a full explanation). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8eU5Pc-y0g&t=34s
Ask yourself these 3 questions:
1. What do you want to experience? (goals & dreams)
2. How do you want to grow? (character & traits)
3. How do you want to contribute? (to causes beyond yourself)
These questions give an idea of your end goals, not means goals. After you watch the video and do proper reflecting and writing, certain themes will repeat itself, which gives a clearer indication of what you care for, where your inspirations lie
B. Do a personality Test to determine specific strengths
Google DISC test and StrengthsFinder. Essentially, this helps you gain awareness of your vocational (work) direction and personality strengths, allowing you to set goals aligned with your strengths.
Personally, I find StrengthsFinder more comprehensive and applicable than most other tests, but I’ll link it to the DISC one, which (I assume) most people will be familiar with. Take a look at the diagram below:
There are 4 domains of strengths: Strategic Thinking, Influencing, Relationship Building and Execution. It’s similar to the 4 domains in DISC respectively: Dominance/Doer, Influencing, Supportive, Careful/Conscientiousness.
The value of StrengthsFinder is that it goes into specific strengths; for example, under the influencing theme you have strengths like ‘communication’ or ‘command’, which refers to the ability to express ideas in writing/vocally AND the ability to command presence and get others to listen.
Once you appreciate your strengths, you can set goals accordingly. For example, someone that mainly has strengths under the ‘influencing’ themes may look into include public speaking, Public Relations, Hosting, etc. For someone with more strengths in ‘execution’ and ‘strategic thinking’ themes, areas like finance or consulting might be suitable, where specific analysis of data is required. If you’re a student, this gives you awareness of what kinds of courses your can pursue in future, or what CCAs you’ll like to join.
The main idea is to leverage on your natural strengths, rather than labour at your weakness. Developing your unique genius gives you greater fulfillment and ROI (return on your investment).
Someone asked Lee Kuan Yew the secret to his successful career. He shared (paraphrased) that ‘“Life is deck of cards and each person’s DNA determines the hand he/she is dealt. We need to be self-aware and make the most of the hand. If you ask me to draw, I’ll starve. But if you ask me to solve a mathematical question or argue a point, ill get by. Don’t try to do something you’re not favoured by nature to do” .
C. Do a self-audit
Lastly, to complement the personality test, be brutal with yourself. Text 5 of your closest friends and ask them to tell you honestly what your greatest strengths and weaknesses are. Share with them that it need not be specific skills, but also personality traits. You’ll be surprised and enlightened by what you receive. Check it against the first two exercises and you’ll find commonalities appearing.
(Your friends might think you went mad, but that’s beside the point. If they ask why this “weird” request, share with them this article ;)
2. Set specific Handwritten Goals
Once you’ve gained awareness of your strengths, set specific written goals in those areas. Why specific? Why handwritten? Your brain is a powerful transmitter and receiver, like a radio. As with how a radio picks up waves from a specific frequency, when you write down a specific goal and review it often, you programme your mind to suggest actions and seek opportunities to help achieve it.
Remember the time when you had a crush on someone? Your brain constantly sought information about them and gave you ideas on how to get their attention, impress them, and express your love raging hormones.
When I first started training, I set my 3 month goal from Oct to Dec 2016, I wrote : ‘To speak in 10 schools including my alma maters, RSS Pri and Victoria School’. I was doubtful but just decided to write it. In those 3 months, I took conscious actions like applying to more companies. Subconsciously, I also attracted opportunities; I was walking my dog and met someone who was looking for partners in her training company. However, I had stopped consciously thinking about the goal. Yet, in the last week of December, my then boss personally requested me to speak at Victoria School. In Jan, I went to speak in RSS and Victoria School on back to back days. It was then I remembered my written goals and felt gratitude and surreal.
So remember to write your goals down - studies, work, CCA Goals, and areas of interest you want to explore. Write them specifically and clearly!
3. Rationalize (Think about it)
Ok, you’ve written your goals, but still feel hesitation. You need to ‘convince’ yourself it’s worth it. Let me help you rationalize the value of stepping beyond your comfort zone. I’ll share an impactful account I read: A lady named Elsa, now in her 60s, grew up during World War II in Germany.
At 22, she was considering moving to Canada to start a new life. Yet, she has no job prospects and knew no one there. She shares: “Whenever I consider taking a risk, I will imagine the best possible outcome and visualize it. Then I would imagine the worst, and ask myself if I could handle it. Most of the time, the answer was yes. Maybe I move to Canada, it doesn’t work out, I knew I could always come home. But I also imagined the best outcome: I make new friends, find love, and raise a family. When I wavered, I held that image in front of me. I remind myself that walking away from the potential outcome was far worse than the consequence of failure. In retrospect, although moving to Canada felt very risky, it turned out to be the turning point in my life.”
Ask yourself these 3 simple questions:
1. ‘If I were to do this, what’s worst that can happen?’
2. “Can I live with the worst outcome?” (A lot of your “worst outcomes” are fears in your head - fear of what others think, fear of rejection, a lot of it is not as bad as you think)
3. Do I value and want the best possible outcomes?
If the answer is yes for all 3, go for it.
Most people don’t regret things they’ve tried and failed; they regret what ‘could’ve been’ because they lacked the courage to start.
4. Emotionalize (Just do it)
After rationalizing the outcomes, you feel inspiration and hope. Yet, there is still this tinge of fear. Adopt Nike’s famous motto – Just do it. Action always cures fear. I strongly suggest watching this Ted Talk by Mel Robins. She talks about the 5 sec rule; how you MUST act within 5 seconds of feeling emotion/inspiration. Check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc&t=1s
After 5 seconds, you mind will continually rationalize the worst possible outcomes and paralyze you. I’ve applied it in my life- whether it be making a tough phone call, talking to a ‘scary’ superior, or helping a stranger in need. I would count down from 5 and take action when I reach 1.
Action can also fuel emotion. We think emotion must always precedes action, but the reverse is also true. Studies have shown that intentionally smiling or pouting can impact your physiology- make you feel happier or unhappy. Think of the time you didn’t feel like running, but forced yourself to do it anyway. Only after the run, you felt the emotional high.
So basically, just do it.
Go broad then deep.
Not sure where to start? Many successful people give similar advice; go broad then deep. Write down and try as many things as possible within your strength zones. Gary Vaynerchuck, a renowned entrepreneur and social media personality often gives advice to budding entrepreneurs: “Take two years, try everything. You can fail at everything, and still be ridiculously young. Why are you so impatient?”. Once you’ve gone broad and found something that truly inspires you, are good at, and can monetize, then go deep. Double down on it. Execute with single-minded focus. How? Proceed to the next step.
5. Mentorship + ABC
Mentorship
Once you’ve found a niche, find a mentor. Mentorship accelerates the growth process. Take a look below. In educational psychology, the Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD) refers to areas where the presence of a guide helps to accelerate growth. When you step out of your comfort zone, there is bound to be 3Fs (fear, frustration, failure). But THATS OK! That’s normal. The only way to grow is to expand our comfort zone as seen in the diagram
A mentor doesn’t just teach; they challenge and inspire you. A good mentor doesn’t just impart technical skills, but cares for the condition of your heart. They nurture your values, share success principles, and develop you as a person.
Seek mentorship from someone you look up to, whom has expertise in the area you’re striving towards. You might ask “Why would they want to help me?”. It might seem that way, but that’s a misconception. Truth is, many successful people find meaning in sharing, provided you come to them with desire and offer something in return. Even if you cannot find a personal mentor just yet, technology allows you to look up online mentors, who may share expertise in a specific area.
Engage in ABCs
ABC stands for Association, Books and CDs (audio/visual material). Through ABCs, you’re setting up you’re environment to achieve your goal. Association refers to hanging out with people whom have similar goals to you. Seek CCAs, clubs and networking events that are aligned to your goal. There are plenty. E.g. Toastmasters for public speaking, entrepreneurship clubs, respective CCAs in school. Through association with others, you exchange ideas, get inspired, develop your skills, and keep yourself accountable.
Books and audio material are another key way to learn. Books distill years of wisdom from an author, while audio material (including youtube videos and podcasts) help you develop specific thought processes and strategies necessary in your field of expertise.
When you step out of comfort, there is bound to be resistance. From peers, parents, society, and most crucially, yourself. The best way to counter this is to reprogramme your mind through information from mentorship + ABCs.
New You, New Me?
So yup, if you’ve read till here, you’re serious. Just do it! If you really want a new year, new me, consider these steps. And share this with a friend who might benefit ! ALL THE BEST :)